Just one more

I've got one more night to get through before Aaron will be home. Actually, he won't be home until tomorrow evening, but the night is what I worry about. Becoming a mother has given me a healthy respect (some would call it an unhealthy obsession) with a good night's sleep. I lie awake thinking of the what ifs. What if Mim wakes up and doesn't want her bottle to go back to sleep? What if Zaya wakes up and throws a fit which wakes up Mim? What if one of them wakes up sick? What if they never go to sleep in the first place!? While some of those have happened in the past, I've always gotten enough sleep, so why am I so concerned (paranoid)? I almost always give myself heartburn, and then I really can't sleep. I chug mylanta, munch pretzels, drink water, and hoist myself back up on my two pillows and wedge. Sometimes several times. It's so ridiculous.

If I can't even give something as simple as my night's rest over to the Lord, what's going to happen when I really hit some of life's trials? I suppose, to a certain extent, I don't have so much of a problem with the big stuff. When Zaya was wheezing, I never doubted God's hand of protection. It's the little things, the worries and stresses of being a mom, that I consider too trivial for Divine intervention. If I were ever really able to turn those things over to God, I might even get that good nights rest I'm so worried about.