I'm feeling particularly inadequate today. Probably because I'm alone again for another week, and there are a lot of things ahead of me on which I will be doing a mediocre job.
Don't most people have at least one thing that they do really well? Art, music, crafts, sewing, gardening, speaking, designing, baking. . .the list could go on and on, but you get the idea.
There are so many things that I want to do well. Even leaving the arts behind; I would be happy with cleaning, cooking, mothering... but as I mentioned in a recent post, I think I'm hitting a C average in all of them. Whenever I visit other mothers in our community, I feel so completely useless. They take care of their families, help their husbands run the farm, have little side businesses where they sell things and have "parties" and still manage to wear matching clothes and makeup. How do they do it? Last time I went to a women's ministries committee meeting I left it depressed. I would be ashamed for those ladies to see my house, and I wanted to curl up in the chair and hide so they wouldn't even see me. They're nice ladies, too, and I'm an extrovert, but they make me feel pathetic. Maybe I'm just stylistically challenged. Yeah, yeah, that's it. It's not my fault.
No, I think I'm just lazy, and here I am blogging about it when I should be cleaning my house and trying to get ready for the day. It's hard to have coherent thoughts anyway with Dragon Tales blaring in my living room. I'll stop whining and get to work.
Thanks for listening.
Update: Here's a link to the poem referenced in the third comment. I hope it's not entirely apt, but I certainly get the picture. Thanks.
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- Carina
- First, I am a child of God. This defines everything else about me. I am also a wife, mother, ESL tutor, drummer, would be scholar/writer and, last but often least, a housekeeper. With God's help I am working to improve myself in all of these areas, because, as every mother knows, feelings of incompetence are just part of the job.
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12 comments:
You are not alone. Let me rephrase that. You. Are. Not. ALONE.
Should I take a picture of my bedroom and email it to you? LOL I won't do that in my kitchen, because thats just beyond scarey. My dining room is clean. Thats all I can say. But, hey, I'm blogging! Sometimes you just gotta cope. I don't know how some people do it. For me, I just figure that it takes several generations to work through issues, and I've got issues, with my kids it will be a bit better and soon those issues will be gone. Maybe they will have it together. Or maybe some people need to look like its all together but its not on the inside. But some people DO have it together. Maybe they trusted God more, or were less messed up as kids, or didn't have tragedies happen in their lives yet. I don't know. But its wonderful for them, but I won't let it guilt me, I have enough of that for what state I'm in without comparing myself to someone else. Don't you beat yourself up, either. Work on what God brings up, not what you perceive you should look like all around.
Blogging can be therapuetic, hold onto that, lol.
Yeah! What Qtpies7 said, ditto.
Like I always say, why do it today if you can put it off until tomorrow?
All kidding aside, you're quite normal. The only problem with being normal, is that we tend to focus too hard on the few around us who seem to have it all together. The anal retentive around you probable cry in their pillows at night, why am I so picky?! Wahhhh! Why can't I be normal and harried like Babystepper?! Wahhh!
You might ought to move to Florida. The bummy look is what everyone does well. My older daughter has a nice, decent paying full time job that allows them to wear flip-flops to work. Slovenly is the norm down here. Women with makeup on are immediately asked, Wow, where are you going?
Plus, in my experience, in Florida, all women put their makeup on in the car. If you have time to drive to another person's house to visit, you have built in time to put on your makeup.
"Whenever Richard Cory went down town, we people on the pavement looked at him.
He was a gentleman from sole to crown, clean favored and imperially slim...."
Maybe you should read the rest of this poem by Edwin Arlington Robinson.
Love ya,
I feel better already. Thanks for the pick-me-ups. (Well, okay, so Richard Cory is hardly a pick-me-up, but it definitely makes me rescind the invitations to my pity party.)
You need to read "Captivating: Unveiling a Womens Soul" I can give you the authors. No one is perfect, no one. We as women set our expectations WAY to high and set ourselves up for failure. If you read this book you realize [like me] that you are NOT the only one that feels that way....
I came to lift you up, but I see that many have beat me to it. We do all feel that way at times--and we are always our own worse critics. Take it easy on yourself, do your best, and let God take care of the rest!
Everybody's entitle to this type of post. Some days, I feel really, really lazy. Fortunately, my 4-year old keeps me on my feet.
"What you doing, Daddy?" my 4-year old once said.
"Nothing," I said. "Just being lazy."
"Better find something to do," my 4-year old said. "If you don't, your butt will great really, really humongous."
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
By the way, if you haven't read that book referenced earlier (Captivating), and want to, let me know and I'll lend you mine...
I think I posted something before that said, "momma said ther'ed be days like this. what she neglected to tell me was that every day would be like this." That's what it feels like especially when you are facing a week by yourself. I have one of those weeks coming up and am gearing up for a major pity party:-). It is hard especially without the community that they had in olden times where several generations lived together, worked together and worshipped together. We are thinking about asking my parents to come live with us. Not because we want live-in babysitters but so that we can be there for each other and not 600+ miles apart.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
http://thesparrowsnest.typepad.com/the_sparrows_nest/2007/03/the_daffodil_pr.html
Thought you might enjoy this.
I just stumbled upon your blog and I love your honesty! I have struggled with the same things in the past (and it creaps back if I am not careful!)
One thing I think about often...
when I am 105 and ready to meet Jesus, will I wish I had scrubbed my bathroom with a toothbrush more?
Nope! Enjoy your beautiful children (mine are about the same ages). They grow up fast!!
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