Thursday Thirteen #45

13 Things That Give Me the Willies.

Some of these cause actual fear, some revulsion, and some discomfort. In my opinion these feelings are all summed up by the term "willies". Some are (relatively) frivolous, and some are shared by almost all of humanity. By its very nature, this post is slightly negative. Don't worry I'm not depressed or even upset about anything.

1. Cordyceps Fungi - (pictured at right) This is a newly discovered fear. This type of fungus is specific to different species of bugs. The one that lives in ants, for instance, causes the ant to lose its mind and crawl up high on a limb to die. Then the fungus grows out of the dead ant's head and eventually bursts, causing its spores to dissipate over a wide area. It can wipe out an entire ant colony. (Thank you Planet Earth by BBC for this latest willy.)

2. Turnip Greens - If I were starving, I'm sure I'd eat and love these...well, eat them. I am not, however, starving, and they frankly do not look like something that should be ingested by anything that doesn't live in a swamp. Which brings me to...

3. Murky Swamp Water - I still have nightmares about falling into water that is full of weeds and slime. It's not because it's gross. It's something deeper and more primitive. I can't explain it. Those patches of sea with kelp growing in them.. yeah, wigs me out.

4. Styrofoam - I hate the sound Styrofoam makes when you rub it against other Styrofoam or cardboard. It really makes me want to scream. The textures and sounds are almost more than I can take.

5. Spiders/Cockroaches - Yes, this one is very common, but the only time in my life when I've ever really, actually screamed was when two monster cockroaches crawled out of my drain in the dorm. Spiders too. I don't like any of them. Not even the cute little fuzzy black ones that Art likes to hold in his hand.

6. Large Animals - I've always been very nervous about large animals that are on the same side of the fence as me. The buffaloes that you can meet on the trail at the Wichita Mountains in western OK were always the scariest part of the hike for me. My farm-raised husband thinks I'm ridiculous to be afraid of the cows, but I am. If he's with me, I'm OK, but it terrifies me to walk through a field with cows or horses in it.

7. Precious Moments - I just don't like them. I'm sorry. I know that they're supposed to be cute, and I realize that lots of people are obsessed with them. Not me. Not ever. The big eyes, the weirdly shaped heads...can't do it.

8. Vomit - I don't even want to hear about it. If you've been sick, just keep the details to yourself. When my children urp, I pray to God that Art is home. I'll comfort the child, change their clothes, whatever, just don't make me clean up the puke. (On a funny note, Mim calls it "Kupe".)

9. The Princess Bride - A certain unnamed cousin (who happens to have her own blog) used to make me watch this with her when I was 5 or 6. Let me just tell you how very little one can grasp irony and satire in the kindergarten year. Not at all. I still can't watch this movie, cult classic though it may be. Count me out of that cult. (Love you anyway, J =))

10. Reality TV - Can we say "totally worthless"? I have yet to find a reality show, (and, granted, I've watched very little of very few) that doesn't make me want to SCREAM! Do they really think we're that stupid? Does anyone really believe that the way these people are behaving for the cameras is any indication of their true personality? The pettiness and the grotesque plays for fame make me sick.

11. Dry Skin - Please just put on socks. If your dry feet are making those awful scraping sounds against the carpet, I might just tackle you to the ground and gnaw your feet off. Art learned this the hard way. (He still has feet, but that's just because I love him so much. Oh, and I need him to carry out the trash.)

12. Old Food - My mother, Lilibeth, mocks me for this on a regular basis. (As does Art) I don't care. Call me crazy; call me obsessed. I don't want to eat bad food. Does the phrase "food poisoning" not cause anyone else concern? If it's years, or even months, past the expiration date, I'm not going to eat it. Sorry. I don't care that there are still canned goods found from the arctic expeditions one hundred years ago that would be edible. Not doing it.

13. 3/4 Time - I would like for a real drummer to just show me how to play 3/4 time on a trap set. The only thing I can come up with is a terribly pathetic, basic rhythm. I need help, but apparently I'm the only person in my entire town who plays the drums, so there's no one to teach me. The only help I get is the occasional guy at church who says I need to just "let it go" up there. Hard to "let it go" when you're playing worship songs, fella. I'm pretty sure I want to keep "it" right where it is, thank you very much.

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