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It's strange how different my attitude towards my children is from day to day. For instance, yesterday afternoon they were both so cute. I remember naively thinking, "Why don't I have more of these? [kids] They're so much fun. Just look how cute they are!" It was one of those moments only a mother would love. Zaya, with a flower clip in his hair (his sister's) and his pants practically falling off (big boy pants don't take up as much room as his diaper did) was wiping up Mim's hands and face, because she was drinking (read dribbling) the leftover water and ice from Mommy's Arbys cup. It was such a cute little moment. Then Zaya was teaching his skunk how to check his lion's heartbeat. Too funny! What darling little angels I have!
This morning reality set in and I thought, "Oh yeah, this is why I only have two kids." It seems like they were just extra whiney, extra clumsy and extra disobedient. Everything we did today seemed to go wrong. They didn't talk to the librarian at storytime, they didn't clean up their toys when I asked (again). They didn't nap well. . .Here's my thought. I bet that the only difference in the two days was me. I think I started my day in a bad mood. When Zaya couldn't get to sleep right away for his nap, I overreacted. When they were wiggly and not the perfect children at storytime, I overreacted. When they didn't eat the lovingly prepared hot dogs and cheese at lunch (yeah, yeah) I overreacted. I'm trying to calm down, but behind it all is guilt and fear, I think. Fear that my children are not going to turn out the way they should, fear that they will be unable to respond to the world in acceptable ways, fear that they will be suing me to pay their therapy bills in 20 years, and guilt that the lawsuit will be justified because it will all be my fault.
I just have to tell myself, "Take a deep breath. There has been nothing happen today that every mother in the history of the world has not faced. Get a grip, and get in there and do those dishes." And I convince myself, I think.
I really should get in there and do those dishes. I mean, we have a dishwasher for Pete's sake. How hard can it be?
7 comments:
Children are somehow a lot cuter when all the housework is done and you are sitting around watching them instead of feeling like you need to be working at cleaning up messes--very few of which you made.It's amazing. Hang in there.
Oh, girl - we've all been there! Sometimes it's in the course of ONE day, not from one to the next!!! Sometimes I feel guilty because the one time all week that I feel overwhelming mother love is when they are both fast asleep. Hang in there. And don't worry... dishes will wait. :)
I so understand. I agree, it's our (as moms) attitudes.
You are way too hard on yourself! You are human, too. They have bad days, and you have bad days! Just turn that attitude around when you realize its bad, and then don't live in guilt over it! The kids sure don't feel guilty for not putting their toys away, lol.
Man I sure have those days. God thing God loves us and forgives us. Sometimes I have to apologize to my kids too, for flipping my wig. My 5 yr old always tells me it's ok (my toddler doesn't get it yet)... and we have this thing where we tell each other, "Hey, you know what? i love you when you're grumpy, I love you when you're stinky, I love you when you're sleepy..." We also do a "I love you more than chocolate, i love you more than the moon..."
it helps, and it's fun. we do it a lot at be time. :O)
I have a 23 month old who is really getting herself into trouble pushing my buttons... i am hoping that i learned a little with the first one. :D i came for your 13, but have read this first.
I know what you mean. Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way from time to time.
Good post. I'm not a mommy, but I can imagine that there are days when mommyhood is more glamorous than others.
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