Thursday, June 18, 2009

Future Writer for House M.D.?

My children are very suggestible. Especially Zaya. When he hears of a new idea or thing, he assimilates it into his make-believe world almost instantaneously. For example, I read Rikki Tikki Tavi to him the other night, and he spent the next few days being a mongoose and a cobra. I have to admit that I sometimes make use of this for my own amusement. Does that make me a bad mommy? I feel a little bit like a mad scientist.

Last week I saw a board book at the local thrift store with large pictures of an eyeball. It turns out that it is from some eye-care product merchant, and the pictures are of several eye disorders.

I pulled it out today, and as of this afternoon, Spikit has had Macular Degeneration and a Cataract. We had details of his sufferings and blindness, as well as the cures.

Goki had Open-Angle Glaucoma and Macular Degeneration, but the doctor was able to fix it, and now he sees like this. (Pointing the the normal vision picture.)

Then we moved further still into fantasy land, and Spikit also developed Intercomma of the Lens. A disorder involving something that inserts itself into his lens, and conceived entirely in the fertile imagination of my son. Things began to get increasingly more complex in the next thirty minutes. Zaya ran around the kitchen and living room doing his little skipping jump, while telling me about the next three disorders.

These are, I promise you, verbatim, except for occasional parenthetical clarifications. I wrote furiously to keep up with him. The following are three disorders that would be entirely new to the medical community, and I hope they do not ever actually make an appearance on our earth, as they all sound horrible.

Interactive Fluid: The glands in the neck make alcohol instead of the other thing, and the fluid goes to the eye. Too much of it gets into his eye, and his eye vision changes. Everything will go blank. (Sonic has this.)

Microscopic Damage:This causes the bladder to expand. It gets bigger and bigger, and this causes your bladder to twist. Then your urine goes back through your ureters and into your kidneys. Then the ureters close up and the urine can't get back to your bladder, so you can't go pee-pee. Don't worry, lots of people can't get this, because it's caused by a special germ that gets into your bladder. If you take the vitamin before it twists and turns, you'll live, but after that, you'll die because you can't go pee-pee. It will take about three days. Paws has that but he's fine now. Actually he didn't take the medicine. He has some F-O-Y-D glands. (He spelled that out for me, so maybe it's an acronym; I don't know.) They are in his kidneys. They produce a special kind of hormone called Whitetip Brown Tan. It can go into your bladder. It will destroy the bacteria. Then Paws' bladder will work again.

Eco on the Brain: This problem is in the brain. It can make you not think very well. And your cerebellum will control all this part of your body (motions to the legs) and it controls where you walk. But else, it controls it bad. You will run into stuff. But this part of your brain, (motions to top portion) the squishy part, controls your stomach. But it controls it bad again. It will tighten or loosen it. The tighten will squeeze your food, so it comes out faster, so your poop will come out chunky, which hurts your intestines. But when it loosens, your food will come out as diarrhea. Some of the diarrhea will stay in your intestines. It will destroy some of the good bacteria in it. That is bad. Your intestines won't have enough bacteria. It kind of goes into your small intestines. That diarrhea will form soup-like chunks and that will poke in your intestines and that will hurt your small intestines and you'll have to get surgery. Do you want to know which character has it? Stickrit has that, but he got rid of it.


Lilibeth said...

Well, good for all the imaginary doctors who are able to cure all these imaginary friends. Script writing may be too easy for him...given a few years...maybe he should go in for medical novels.

aftergrace said...

My kids always have loved Rikki Tikki Tavi, that's a great story!